Chapter 7: They are TOXIC, Move on!!!

I dreaded writing this post. I hate this topic with passion. One, I have to admit that a person or situation was toxic. Two, I have to accept that it has come to an end. Three, it is unpopular to talk about this type of topic, but we must address that even toxic relationships still must be grieved.

Strap in for this one is going to be a long post, but essential. I suggest a glass of red wine as you read.

So, My weakness, is I care deeply about those around me, and I find it hard to say no and set definite boundaries. People are important to me, and my past hurt makes it hard to let them go, and to see when I am in a harmful or toxic situation. This situation is normal for a majority of people who have experienced abuse, or any form of trauma. After accepting that what I have gone through recently was not healthy, nor was it something I could fix on my end nor wanted, I had discovered freedom.

No matter how hard I had kept an eye out, I had missed a majority of the red flags, some even as far back as the first time meeting them. I felt horrible because I thought I was looking out for them the entire time.

It is okay, and sometimes, we miss things because we trust that a person has our best interest or cares out of a genuine place compared to feeding their ego. We believe those in a particular field or have certain qualities can be those from the heart and soul. However, over time true colors come into view. We as human beings, being emotional creatures, will deny that this is happening or find a way to cope or believe that this person is positive, or just slightly broken. When in reality they are metaphorically kicking us into the dirt, showing us that they do not care, or they only do so when it is convenient to make them look better or to feel better about themselves. Toxic people are only about them!

So How do we move on?

A little disclaimer. This post is for those who have already identified that it is a toxic relationship if you are unsure ask a friend, check in with how this person makes you feel and what your body and what your inner voice tells you. If not use the almighty Google. You can also learn to identify traits of a toxic person by watching this brief video here.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxtSVM1c_HU&t=565s.

First, this is going to be hard, but you must get out of there if you can, or distance your self if you absolutely must be around this person. Understand that you can not fix them, you can not change them and NOTHING YOU DO WILL. They have to improve themselves.

I had to come to terms with the actions displayed showed a lack of care, Nothing I could do would make this person care, or show me attention, nothing I could do would make this person, be kinder, different or loving towards me. Then I decided that I would not and did not want this in my life. So I blocked him on all ways of communicating.

Second, go through and list the toxic behavior. Remind your self what the person is doing that is not healthy, and how it impacts you.

No one wants to sit there and destroy the pristine image of the person in question. Nor do they want to speak negatively about someone else.

I hated the idea that someone I once thought was sweet, amazing and my world could be toxic, be treating me poorly, and even had been a false relationship. Worse, I lied to myself and I wanted to make the person still seem positive to others, to prevent conflict. After wrestling with myself, I had come to realize that I had to be honest, if I were to accept my reality.

Third, you have to go out and find healthy relationships. These will take the place of the old unhealthy bond and keep you occupied. These new bonds will also show you, who you are, strengthen you and give you fantastic new experiences.

I had support for over a month until I was able to move on. I had found that I may be slightly flawed, but I was not the horrible person I felt I was in my previous relationship. I discovered my strengthens and could work on my weaknesses. These people fill my life with love, compassion, and laughs. Oddly, enough the center was the place my ex sent me too, after our fight. They helped me see he was no good for me.

Fourth, do something new reinvent your self, rediscover who you are, recharge and be patient.

I had chosen to rediscover my healing arts, and self once I left my toxic relationship. Doing so has made me stronger every day.

Finally, and you may not want to hear this, but you must keep them away. You can not let the negative person back in unless it is a rare circumstance where they consistently prove they have changed. Even then proceed with caution.

You can even become toxic your self by trying to keep them in your life or letting them back in, resulting in you hitting your breaking point and them pointing the finger at you. Toxic people are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions, only making themselves the victim or right in the end.

I hope your wine glass is empty or at least you are on your second helping. I understand that this is hard to implement, but learning this is one of the most important skills you can ever acquire. Stay strong and hang in there; you will be better in the long run. Remember nothing you do ever warrant to be treated, like dirt. Even if you your self are a work in progress, or suffering from a mental illness.

Thank you and sleep well, bless it be.